The Challenges of Parenting a Difficult Child

By Rachel Mitchell

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Parenting is a hard job, especially when we feel like our children

are more difficult than others. If you’ve found this article, it’s likely

that you are having a difficult time with your child and if so, then you’re in the right place.

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It is important first, to remember that you are doing the best you can. Don’t get down on yourself if parenting your child is hard, be reassured – parenting IS hard, but as long as you are trying, you’re on the path to successful parenting.

 

Secondly it is important to find the reason behind behaviors and not just label our children as “difficult.” While some children may be harder to parent than others, children are not inherently bad, and by labeling them as such, we run the risk of defining our children as bad and missing all of the good in them.

 

In times of trouble with your children, there a few key things to remember, this guide will help you to navigate those times when you feel like you’re dealing with a “difficult child.”

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Have clear and reasonable expectations

 

It is very important to have a clearly defined set of household rules so that everyone knows what is expected of them. These rules should be posted for everyone to see and should be discussed often. The best time to lay out your expectations is BEFORE trouble happens when everyone is calm.

 

When your child is displaying inappropriate behaviors, you can use these household rules to remind them of what they should be doing instead. It’s also important to be reasonable in your expectations, you may find that you are expecting more from your child than they are actually capable of, and that sets everyone up for failure and frustration.

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Keep your cool

 

Children look to us to be an example. If you react to their behavior with anger, yelling, threats, even violence, they come to think that that is the appropriate way to behave and they will start reacting to you the same way. By keeping your composure, you model calm, appropriate behavior for your children to copy.

 

If you tend to get frustrated or angry with your child, it might be necessary to step out of the situation for a moment to gain some composure before responding. This will give you time to think before you react and it will also show your children that it is ok to get upset, but that it is not ok to let your upset affect how you behave toward others.

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Find the positive

 

When you’re having a difficult time with your child, it can be hard to see the positives. But when all children hear about is the bad things they are doing, they start to think they only do bad things and they start to think of themselves as bad people. If you want to encourage positive behaviors and attitudes in our children, we need to tell them what positives we expect, and then be sure to point out when we see them displaying those behaviors and attitudes.

 

At first it may take some work to actually notice positive behaviors because your own mind is so focused on the negatives. But look hard, the good things are there. Even if it’s just the fact that your daughter said thank you when you gave her something or your son put his own plate in the dishwasher instead of leaving it on the table, point it out! Give them something positive to think about and they’ll start thinking more positively which will help them to start behaving more positively.

 

Remember, a child having a difficult time behaving or you having a difficult time parenting your child, does not meant that that child is a difficult child. And it certainly does not mean that either of you are bad people. Set clear expectations, keep cool and look for the positives and soon you’ll begin to turn things around together.

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