"Inventing" Rewards and Consequences: A Practical Parenting Skill
- Chris Theisen
- Jan 5
- 3 min read
Doling out rewards and consequences to a child who truly deserves them can feel intimidating—even overwhelming—for many parents. We want to be fair, effective, and consistent, yet we often worry about doing or saying the wrong thing. The truth is, successful discipline doesn’t require perfection. It requires patience, reasonableness, and a willingness to think creatively in the moment.
One of the most important things to remember is that timing matters. The opportunity to make a meaningful impression on your child can disappear quickly—even faster than a glazed donut in a teacher’s lounge! When parents learn how to respond in the moment, everyday situations become powerful teaching tools.
The good news is that inventing rewards and consequences is not a mysterious talent reserved for a few lucky parents. It is a skill that can be learned and practiced in a relatively short period of time. When used correctly, it can be remarkably effective.
Below is a simple explanation of how this works in real life.
Inventing Rewards
Imagine this scenario. You’ve just come home after a long, exhausting day at work. All you want to do is order a pizza, relax in front of the TV, and wind down before bed. As you walk through the door, you notice something unexpected: your twelve-year-old daughter has cleaned her room without being asked and has already finished her homework—something that usually doesn’t happen until much later in the evening.
You were already planning to order pizza for dinner. However, instead of treating it as just another routine decision, you can turn it into a reward.
You might say something like:
“Wow, I’m really impressed. Not only is your room clean, but your homework is already done too! I think I’ll order us some pizza for dinner. You’ve earned it.”
In this moment, nothing about your original plan changed. You were still going to order pizza. But by clearly connecting your child’s responsible behavior to a positive outcome, the pizza is now perceived as a reward.
This does two important things:
It reinforces the behavior you want to see again.
It helps your child associate responsibility with positive recognition.
You’ve essentially created a reward out of something that already existed. No extra money, no elaborate planning, and no artificial incentive—just thoughtful timing and intentional wording.
Inventing Consequences
Now let’s look at the same situation from a different angle.
You arrive home after work and find your daughter talking on the phone while the kitchen is a complete mess. When you calmly ask her to clean up after herself, she rolls her eyes, gives you a dirty look, and continues her phone conversation as if you never spoke.
Once she hangs up, you have an opportunity to teach an important lesson. Instead of yelling, lecturing, or reacting emotionally, you can invent a consequence using plans you already had.
You might say something like:
“I’m really disappointed by the way you ignored me when I asked you to clean up your mess. I was planning to go to the mall and thought you might like to come along, but now I’ve decided to stay home and order pizza instead. You can have something from the leftovers in the fridge.”
Again, you didn’t create extra work for yourself. You simply adjusted how your plans affected your child based on her behavior.
This approach works because:
The consequence is immediate and directly tied to her actions.
It is calm and respectful, not angry or punitive.
It shows that choices have real-world outcomes.
Why This Approach Is So Effective
In both examples, the parent followed through with something they were already planning to do. The difference lies in how the situation was framed and communicated.
By intentionally labeling an action as a reward or a consequence, you help your child understand that their behavior matters. Over time, this builds accountability, responsibility, and better decision-making skills.
Perhaps most importantly, this method helps parents stay consistent without feeling overwhelmed. You don’t need elaborate reward charts or harsh punishments. With a little awareness and creativity, everyday moments can become powerful lessons.
When parents master the art of inventing rewards and consequences, discipline becomes less about control and more about guidance—and that’s where lasting change really begins.
