Q:  Are there any specific rules that an adult child living at home should be expected to follow?

 

A:  Allowing an adult child to move back home (or to continue to live at home) is a decision that more and more middle-aged parents are having to make these days.  With divorce rates where they are and with fluctuating unemployment rates and other factors at work, it simply becomes a matter of survival for some adult children.

 

Once the decision has been made to allow an adult child to move home, it goes without saying that some clear ground rules should be established before such an arrangement is put in place.

 

Some examples of rules for an adult child living at home are as follows:

 

1.  Boundaries should be maintained.  This means that adult children should respect the privacy and “space” of their parents to the best of their abilities.  Adult children should refrain from “hogging” the TV when they know their parents typically use it.  They should pay for their own groceries, including helping out with things like soap, laundry detergent, toilet paper, and such.

 

2.  Adult children should be given clear expectations with regards to substance use, including alcohol, prescription drugs, and cigarettes.  Every adult child should be expected to keep illegal substances off the property and should be “evicted” should he or she fail to abide by that rule.

 

3.  Rules should be discussed regarding guests and/or visitors.  Can your adult child have guests over?  Anyone restricted from coming over?  Any specific hours in which guests are NOT allowed (overnight, etc.)? 

 

4.  Adult children living in the home should also have rules regarding the supervision and care of children and/or pets. 

 

5.  Rules should be established regarding use of the family vehicle (if applicable).  This includes related expenses (gas, insurance, maintenance, etc.), where to park, when it can be used and when it cannot, etc.

 

6.  Financial obligations should definitely be discussed ahead of time (before the adult child moves in).  For instance, is the adult child responsible for paying any rent?  Utilities?  Vehicle expenses?  Insurance?  Babysitting/pet-sitting fees?  Anything else?

 

7.  And finally, a date should be established for when the adult child will be expected to move out.

 

Adult children shouldn’t be living at home if they can’t respect the rules of the house.  There’s no reason why the parents of these adult children should be expected to have to walk on egg shells just so their adult child can reap the benefits of living at home.  At the same time, parents should be reasonable when setting the rules so as to avoid unnecessary arguments and/or conflicts.